LANGUAGE OUT LOUD COMPETITION

Best Translation Awards - Translation (English to Chinese)

 

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           Junior Secondary

           Champion (#45)

 

Name: Wong Chun Miu (王真妙)

School: The MCHK Wesley College

Form: 3

 

Comments Highlights From Our Adjudicators

• Vivid and emotive adjectives and verbs used.

• Content is loyal to the original piece and mostly satisfies the translation syntactically.

• Need to show even more awareness of differences in syntax of the two languages.

• Impressive translations that have demonstrated strong emotions suitable for the text:是鶴立雞群的。

~ Eva Cheung

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This is a very close tie with #52. The only reason this translation wins out is because it responds to the genre of the source text - a film voice-over, which would mean that the text carries the tone of daily speech and is not poetry  per se (even though it is poetic). The translator clearly took time to study the semantic logic of the source text, and mindfully reproduced it in Chinese.

~ Hedy Ting Bok

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您的文字留給讀者的，是美麗的沉穩。用詞理性、大氣，卻因一氣呵成而蘊藏著連綿的深意！您對藝術家及其作品精神的理解內斂而深沉，卻也因此浸入骨髓，令人回味。相信這種沉穩的美，是來自您對藝術和人生的獨特思考，更來自您多年來沉浸中文世界結下的碩果。祝願筆耕不輟！

~ Sue Gu

 

Very accurate and poetic, there is a great flow in the translation

~Wencong Chen

 

 

          Senior Secondary

          Champion (#52)

 

Name: Tang Ho Fai Priscilla (唐皓徽)

School: Maryknoll Convent School (Secondary Section)

Form: 5

 

Comments Highlights From Our Adjudicators

• The most poetic translation. Very impressive work.

• Sophisticated adjectives and expressions used.

• Vivid verbs

• Strong in rhythm

• Excellent grasp of cultural and language distinctions.

~ Eva Cheung

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If the source text were poetry in genre, #52 would be the best translation. The choice of diction and condensation of text is marvellously creative and at times pleasantly surprising. It is no easy feat to comprehend the music of a text at such a deep level, and to translate it with such beautiful constructions is simply ingenius. Very well done indeed!

~ Hedy Ting Bok

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讀您的作品，猶如在品一壺上佳陳釀，字裡行間不僅透著對畫家梵古理智的崇敬，更有對其舉世無雙藝術特質的豔羨與嚮往。不得不說，您的作品恰如其分調動了深刻的內在感知，同時運用了中國古典文字、文學、文化的韻律和深意映襯出西方經典藝術之魂、之美。為您當下已具備的融會中西之境喝彩，更期待未來，您可以引領新一代學貫中西之風！

~Sue Gu

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Beautifully written, though some original meaning is lost in translation

~Wencong Chen

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          Senior Secondary

          1st Runner Up (#24)

 

Name: Yip Chun Ming (葉津茗)

School: Maryknoll Convent School (Secondary Section)

Form: 4

 

Comments Highlights From Our Adjudicators

• Beautiful and emotive adjectives and verbs used.

• Sophisticated language that fits the content and register of the original piece.

• Need to show even more awareness of differences in syntax of the two languages.

• Impressive translations that have demonstrated strong emotions suitable for the text: 令人心緒不寧的, 去吼叫屬於自己的贊歌, 幻變成了夢魘

~ Eva Cheung

 

The use of words corresponds correctly to the English original, but is sometimes too literal. This makes it hard to understand the meaning of the text if one reads only the Chinese translation without referring to the original.

~ Hedy Ting Bok

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您的作品富有詩意，不僅讓人明白意思，更有催人深入藝術境界之美！且句段之間蘊含了諸多對藝術家及其作品的情緒和情感，讀來頗覺波瀾起伏，有連綿不絕之感。而這不正是中華語言文字的特異功能？今後，若能對文字在具體語境下選擇、應用、匹配度等有更高要求，您的詩一定會更美，表達的意義也會更精准。

~ Sue Gu

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Quite literal, not poetic enough

~Wencong Chen

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            Senior Secondary

           2nd Runner Up (#39)

 

Name:  Cheng Chung Ming (鄭頌明)

School: Pentecostal Lam Hon Kwong School

Form: 4

 

Comments Highlights From Our Adjudicators

• Content is loyal to the original piece and generally satisfies the translation syntactically.

• Need to show even more awareness of differences in syntax of the two languages.

• Impressive translations that have demonstrated strong emotions suitable for the text: 它正在轉變成噩夢，顏色轉化為火焰，光線化成大火

~Eva Cheung

 

Accurate translation with some success in capturing the original images. This entry could be greatly improved by careful consideration of what would sound more natural to a Chinese speaker. It would be helpful to comb through the internal logic of the multiple English predicates (“beneath…beneath…there is…) in order to build clearer sentences in Chinese. Overall a worthy attempt!

~Hedy Ting Bok

 

您的作品透著文字的芳香和畫面的美意，讀來令人浮想聯翩，仿佛進入了中西文化交融的藝術境界！只可惜某一些語義表達還不夠精准，某一些句段之間聯繫還不夠緊密。無論如何，請堅持這份拳拳之心，徜徉于中文獨特而精彩的世界。總有一天，您的筆下會流出令自己、令他人更滿意的作品！

~Sue Gu

 

Quite literal, could connect the sentences better

~Wencong Chen

 

 

            Open Category

           Champion (#23)

 

Name: HO Wan Tung (何韞彤)

School: Not Applicable

Form: Not Applicable

 

Comments Highlights From Our Adjudicators

• Beautiful and emotive adjectives and verbs used.

• Sophisticated language that fits the content and register of the original piece.

• Able to use Chinese punctuations to express pausing.

~ Eva Cheung

 

Excellent conveyance of poetic essence, but perhaps erring too much on the non-literal side and therefore losing key images along the way. Especially wonderful parallelisms in Chinese,

“形 轉變成夢魘

色 幻化為烈焰

光 亦化作野燹”.

There is a fine line between translation and re-creation, however, and it could be tempting at times to wander a bit far into the realm of secondary creation.

~ Hedy Ting Bok

 

您的作品就像一幅具象的中文雕塑，活生生將一名超級藝術家的外形和內心坦陳在大家面前。初讀似見梵古君，再讀若遇梵古魂！正如一千個讀者眼中有一千個哈姆雷特，您眼中、筆下的藝術家及其作品是如此聲情並茂，熱烈奔放，且富有詩情畫意！讀來句斷情不斷，生生不息。

~  Sue Gu

 

Poetic, but occasionally loses the essence of the original lines

~ Wencong Chen

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          Overall comments for the Translation Works from our Adjudicators:

A translation in general is a product of two, perhaps very different, environments, that of the original author and that of the translator.  The environment of the reader also affects how the result is interpreted.  This mixture of environments can be beneficial to the final result, in the same way that condiments can enhance the flavour of a tasty culinary dish.  Pursuing the analogy, it is also true that if the environment of the translator is applied too liberally, then the author's original flavour can be diluted or masked.

The narrator, some would say performer, of a poem or the actors and production team of a play greatly influence the ideas and emotions of an audience.  In a similar way, a translator can influence the audience of an original piece of classical Chinese literature, which would otherwise be inaccessible to that audience.

The concept of context extends beyond that of the original work, and applies also to any translation. Every new translation of a particular piece of literature has a unique context. 

Overall speaking, these candidates have been able to demonstrate awareness of differences in syntax and cultures of the two languages. Excellent job!

~ Eva Cheung
 

Translation is a tricky task because it is so deceptively simple. These is never one ‘right’ translation, but there’s always a more beautiful one. ‘Beautiful’ in this case meaning accurate, careful, creative, and insightful. Precision is always the foundation of all translations, but even Google Translate can sometimes accomplish that end. Therefore, a good translator has to convey what Google couldn’t, i.e. the context, purpose, subtext, flow, and music of the original text. All five translators in this competition have risen valiantly to the daunting task and have provided wonderfully original renderings of the film voice-over. There could be a tendency to make the Chinese translation overly poetic and archaic, which is a sign that perhaps the context and purpose of the original text as a media voice-over/film subtitle was not well understood or duly appreciated.

~ Hedy Ting Bok 
 

起初聽聞這個讓孩子們承擔經典電影對白翻譯的消息，就暗自為“智慧門”多年堅持的教育深意叫好。這是在讓孩子們用自己的實際行動向世界詮釋“我可以”！如果說語言是一個便於交流的載體，那麼她背後蘊含的藝術之境就是另一種新的語言。電影是用鏡頭、音樂、畫面、文字結合起來啟迪人們思考與感受，而讓孩子們在翻譯的同時，恰恰結合了這些元素充分開啟了想像與創作空間。初讀孩子們的作品，我是帶著一些訝異的，也從他們身上學到各有特色的表達。本以為現時代孩子會更崇尚對現代文、或外語的學習與理解，想不到孩子們所呈現在我們面前的，是深厚而流暢的語言功底，與深刻的文化理解。我們有理由相信，類似的活動，會激發更多孩子基於本國文化的國際理解與多元創意，多多益善！

~ Sue Gu

Very impressive entries. The original text is challenging, but everyone is able to offer an insightful translation.  

~ Wencong Chen